if i was narcissistic, i would believe i jinxed the warm weather by commenting on it on a previous entry.  it seemed that since that entry, the next couple of weeks have been unseasonably cool.  i'm still wearing long sleeves and my winter sweaters.  still loads of black and grey.  there was one day this past week, monday i believe, that felt spring like.  seriously, what is up with this cool may weather?

pics are posted from the weekend.  my throat was killing me from yelling to be heard and screaming down the water slides.  the resort was pretty nice overall and it was good seeing my entire fam and extended fam.  i also learned how nancy really feels about fat people at the water park.

yay for getting a much needed gas card!  it should last me about a week and a half.  thank you!

wouldn't it be fabulous if workers could go on a summer break like school kids?  i envy the school kids a lot and it doesn't help that some of my kid clients go on and on about how excited they are.  i think the europeans get a few weeks off for summer vacation.  not quite sure but i know they take a ton more vacation than people do in this country.  i need to move there asap.

it's funny to me that this short work week feels longer.  go figure.  maybe it's because i made it even shorter by taking a vacation day tomorrow and i'm just excited to get the work week done and over with so i can have another 3 day weekend.  yes, i am that lazy.

have faith.

I received a statement in the mail stating the lab work I had done 3 weeks ago cost $550.75.  I had to reread it several times to make sure it was $550 and not $50.75.  All the hospitals took from me was 2 small vials of blood for very standard tests.  If anyone could explain to me why the hospital would charge so much, please pass that info along to me.  From what I know and believe, lab people throw my blood in a centrifuge to look for certain things.  Enlighten me here, Nancy, since you do this type of work.  Someone explain to me why it cost so much.  Luckily I have a somewhat decent insurance and have to pay 25% of it.  I'm not happy paying the 25% but it's better than the whole amount.

It's no wonder people can't afford health insurance or decide not to get certain treatments.  It's just way too expensive.

On a much brighter note, congrats to Mary for finishing law school and Steve for graduating!

Pics are up from Emily's first Communion and I have a pretty amusing video of my mom playing the Wii.  Who would've thought she would want one now?

Have faith.

I nearly lost it when I saw gas was $3.95.  It's gotten to the point where I am really concerned about how big of a blow this will be to my monthly budget.  I've scaled back on the shopping so I can balance the increased amount I am spending on gas.  True, I can cut some more corners by not paying as much on my student loans, not eating out as much, and not saving as much in my savings account.  I am so worried about gas prices that I have been dragging my feet about moving to a really beautiful apartment complex because that would add 10 more minutes to my commute to the Alliance office (it's already 45 minutes).  On top of that, the apartment has gas heating and I am not dreading the bill when winter rolls around.  I definitely need to make more money so I can be more comfortable and not stress so much on bills and other expenses.  I can remember 10 years ago when gas was less than a dollar.  What I would give for those days to come back.

In addition to gas prices sky rocketing, stamps have gone up.  Not a huge thing since I don't mail a lot of things, but it's annoying.  Then I see in the grocery stores, the price of corn went up.  Correct me if I'm wrong since I do not follow the news closely, but aren't companies buying a lot of corn to make ethanol to add to gas?  What ever the case, the price has gone up to where I'm paying almost 50 cents an ear.  Before I balked at paying 33 cents an ear and there I was last week forking money over for pricey corn.  What can I say, I really really like corn.

I am in desperate need to get a hair cut.  I was hoping to go home to participate in my friend's charity event this week, but it doesn't look like it'll work out that way.  I'm ready for a change.  Now I'll have to see if I will follow through.

I am so close to getting the first part to my drug and alcohol license.  I should be getting it by the end of the summer.  I've been busting my behind taking a lot of courses this spring session to make sure I get the license this year.  As much of a pain as doing those courses are, I have to keep reminding myself all this junk will pay off down the road.  I was browsing the job market and found a job in Columbus that required that drug and alcohol license that paid nearly double what I'm making now.  As a co-worker told me, I have to pay my dues now with a high burn out and stressful job before I can ease my way in private practice or hospital that would pay considerably more.  One day I'll get there.

have faith.

as much as i would've like to take part in the papa john 23 cent pizza deal today, there was no way i was going to go through the lengths others did to get it.  vic tried calling numerous times at one papa john's to try to place an order and he could not get through.  it would've been cool to say we were able to buy a large pizza for 23 cents.  he picked up some church's chicken and that is by far a better meal than papa john's pizza.  i really don't care for papa john's pizza but just wanted to take part in the day.  vic showed me a pic of this long line outside a papa john's and it was ridiculous. 

i had imagined it would be busy and that if i really wanted to, i could go to one and wait 30 mins to get my one topping pizza.  that would not have been the case.  i checked the local new stations for stories, videos, and pics and was amazed at the videos and pics. check out wkyc or wews for pics and videos.  i could not believe people waited over 3 hours for a pizza.  now come on people, is it that good?  not really.  i know my time is worth more than a large pizza.  it was just crazy to see how papa john's disrupted surrounding businesses because the lines were out of control and caused quite a few traffic jams.

i just feel for all the papa john workers in ohio today.  like vic said, i hope they get extra pay today.  maybe a free large pizza with two toppings to take home after a long day. 

leave it to ohio weather to be so fickle.  yesterday was absolutely beautiful and today was dreary and cold.  i wouldn't have guessed i would be wearing a long sleeve turtleneck in may.

yay to another day of super nice clients!

have faith.

let me tell you how nice it is to work half days.  i would love to go to work if i knew it was only for four hours and with nice clients.  i had a doctor's appointment this morning and took the morning off because i wasn't sure how long it would take at the doctor's and to get the lab work done.  it was fabulous to sleep in and not rush around in the morning.  when i got to work, it flew by since i was there for 4.5 hours.  the icing of the cake was i worked with my really nice clients.  what a fabulous day.

i so appreciate my nice clients that much more after dealing with a creep and some really mean clients.  thankfully, the creep has left me alone but i still get antsy walking to and from my car since my work decided not to pay for the parking garage.  i know this is mean, but i sometimes hope he would get arrested soon so i can have some peace of mind.  i suppose that creep and my mean client yesterday makes me grateful for the wonderful clients that i have gotten to know and build a good therapeutic relationship.  i have to remind myself that i have to pay my dues now before i move on private practice.

thanks to those who listened and offered their support and advice on what to do.  i appreciate it.

i nearly lost my mind when i saw gas was $3.79.  i remember flipping out at $3.49 a few months ago.  other than my student loans, gas will now be my biggest expense each month.  thankfully, i have a job that pays enough so far but if gas continues to go up, i'm going to have to rethink my spending to allot enough money for my long commute to work.  here i am making more than minimum wage, worrying about paying for gas to get to work when there are people on minimum wage trying to make ends meet.  is it even worth going to work making $7 an hour when gas is that expensive?  i really don't know what i would do if i was in that situation and thankfully i'm not.  i swear everything has gone up in price and have definitely cut down on my spending on random things compared to last year this time.  here's hoping the economy and/or my pay gets better.

my mom's been so annoying about asking me about what i think about john's friend.  she's convinced that john was trying to set jason and me up.  so not the case.  john invited a few of us down to hang out after his big test.  i get so frustrated when she asks about it.  i think she's worried that i won't find a guy to marry and heaven forbid won't have grandchildren to spoil.  in due time mom.  i'm just following cousin dien's and nga's footsteps by marrying late that's all!

finally it feels like spring.  love it!

have faith.

just thinking of ong today.  we miss you, i miss you.  hope we're all making you proud.

have faith.

not quite sure why, but i am just not my typical "this is my birthday month, yay me" mindset this year.  i was actually a little down the past week for various reasons.  not sure if i'm going through a twenty something mini crisis.  i normally don't freak out about age or living by people's time lines of what i should be doing/accomplishing at a certain age.  heaven knows i busted my parents' time line of getting married and popping out kids years ago.  just been pondering a lot of things in my life, the good and the bad, and what is in store for me next.  i think all this self-reflecting, stress from work, stress about finding a place to live that will please both vic and i, and feeling subpar made me wish i could swipe a few samples of lexapro at work.  kidding.  i do feel my mood has improved greatly since midweek due to improved weather, improved productivity, and improved skin.  now if only all those things could keep improving.

all i really want for my birthday and in life is to feel happy.  not so much to ask for, right?

i'm curious of what are people's definitions of lying is.  according to my dictionary on my desk (yes, i actually own one) it is to "speak falsely, have a deceitful appearance".  i had my fair share of lies the past three years and have to admit i've done some lying on my own.  i don't lie often but when i do they are often of the white lie realm.  i would never lie to betray family and friends.  i've definitely curbed back on the white lies because why say something i don't mean just to be polite?  for example, if i didn't like someone's outfit and was asked what i thought about it, i would say the outfit is fabulous.  now, i try not to say anything or change the subject if i don't have a good relationship with that person.  if i'm close to that person and depending on the matter, i'll give my two cents.  still not sure if that's a good or bad thing to do.  i believe a relationship i had with someone suffered greatly due to lies and my upfront talks.  i refuse to put on a facade that things are ok when they're not and tell things for what it is.  i'm not sure if it's my stubborness or self righteous getting in the way.

i believe not saying anything is also a form of lying.  according to the quoted definition, not saying the truth and pretending everything is ok is lying.  that's how i interpret it anyway.  so that brings me to my point of this rambling.  is lying ok when it is to spare someone's feelings and maintain the status quo with someone?  i can see why someone would avoid telling someone the truth.  from my experience, it changes everything about the relationship.  do i regret anything about being vocal about the truth?  no, the only thing i regret is the lack of relationship that is present.  it's hard to say lying is a bad thing when there are so many variables and situations that may or may not benefit from it.  for me, i do not tolerate lying.  a white lie here or there from myself or my family and friends, i can let slide as long as it wasn't hurtful to anyone involved.  i'm not here to say that i'm the lie enforcer because i wrote i do occasionally lie about liking certain foods or an article of clothing but i would not lie to hurt or betray someone.  it's just a standard i set for myself or for the people i have relationships with.

i am going to miss my apartment a lot.  saw another apartment this weekend and the counter space in the bathroom is so tiny.  the counter space i have now is so spacious compared to most bathrooms i saw.

happy birthday, dad!

have faith.

happy birthday to bill, jason, sarah, and me!  it's cool that i had the same birthday as three of my friends from back home.  i found out jason and i had the same birthday my second year at osu.  he finally figured out the time he was born and like i said from day one, i am older than him.  mucho thanks for the cards, calls, and text messages today.

my phone is so lame that the vibrate function does not work anymore.  i hate hearing my ringer because i jump every time i hear it.  not sure why i'm so jumpy but anyway, it's annoying i can't use my vibrate function anymore.  i suppose it's a good thing i turned my phone off last night since i went to bed rather early.  i would've been awoken around midnight several times.  it was nice to see the messages and hear the voicemails from family and friends wishing me a happy birthday at midnight.  it's nice to know family and friends remember!

my dad's talk to me is so funny.  he calls and says happy birthday and then follows with "you know today's a historical day, right?  it's the pope's birthday and they celebrated i think today in DC.  it's also the one year anniversary of the virginia tech shootings.  it's definitely a big day!"  that's basically for verbatim what my dad said to me today.  he's so goofy and i can't help but laugh at what he says sometimes.

note to self- NEVER EVER buy a LG phone again.

have faith.

hope you all did your taxes and turned them in a timely manner.  i did my federal and state in march and finished my city tax last night.  i was contemplating skipping the city tax all together since it came out to a whopping zero dollars but figured i better file a return to be on the safe side.  the plus side of working outside the county i live in is paying no city tax, not that it would've amounted to much. 

went apartment hunting all day saturday.  i must admit i was a brat by complaining about my current apartment when i first saw it.  i didn't like the location or the look of it.  i still don't like the location but have come to deal with it.  i guess i was just having a hard time coping with the fact that the apartment was brand spanking new or that i had to go to a laundry building attached to my apartment building.  it was also hard for me to go from living at my cousin's nice house to a 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom apartment.  was i being a spoiled brat?  absolutely.  i just couldn't understand why people who have come to our apartment said it was so nice.  i kept saying it was "eh". 

that thought changed real quick after looking at a handful of apartments.  the first one vic and i looked at had the tiniest closet i have ever seen.  there was no way i could fit a third of my clothes in the closet.  i even considered getting a rolling clothing rack but would not have the room in my room for it.  i know vic likes the apartment a lot but i'm iffy about how to store my clothes.  all the apartments vic and i looked at didn't have a washer dryer in the apartment which sucks.  some had a "laundry facility" which usually consisted of one dryer and one washer for the entire complex.  my apartment has two washers and two dryers for every 6 apartments.  there was one apartment that i really liked because it had big rooms and big closets.  the only bad thing i see is that it would make my one commute about an hour long.  i definitely come to appreciate my huge room, big closet, personal bathroom, laundry facility, and nice neighbor that i got to know while living where i'm at currently.  i definitely took for granted all that i have now and will miss it when i move this summer.

work still gets me down.  if only i didn't have to worry so much about productivity or some of my entitled clients requesting i do this or that for them.  it just makes me not excited about work.  thankfully, today was really busy to make up for my lack luster day yesterday.  here's hoping to a busy week so administration can lay off me for a bit!

so in the last entry i wrote about how i was excited about my birthday gift to myself.  i was extremely excited to get them and wear them asap since i thought i wouldn't need to get them hemmed since they are petite jeans.  wrong.  the petite jeans were still too long for me and now i have to get them hemmed.  it's pretty sad when petite jeans are still too long for me.  i knew i was short but didn't think i was that short.

time for bed!

have faith.

i can't wait till this week is over.  i had my behind handed to me by work this week and can't wait to go running from my office tomorrow afternoon.  i'm not sure if i'm just tired of administration, tired of dealing with some very needy and/or mentally severe clients, tired of not being paid what i should be for the amount of work that i do, fatigued in general since it's my time of the month, or a combination of all the above things.  i had a meeting with my sup on tuesday about productivity since i had not met my goal since january.  to my defense, february was a short month, a took a few days off, and there were two days when the weather sucked and no one came in.  for march, i was out for basically for a week due to weather, illness, and taking a few days off because i had to.  my sup ran the report and found that for the third quarter, i was about 15 hours short of where i should be.  it wasn't as bad as i thought it would be due to the various reasons i listed above.  i then asked her about double booking and she told me not to worry about it which i definitely won't.  i had another meeting with her today and she saw that i am busy and joked she will lay off me for awhile.  thank goodness because it was starting to really get to me hearing about how my productivity has been off the last two months. 

i was talking to shuk about it the other day and was venting about work.  any month i take vacation i will be short in productivity hours.  there is no way i will work 50+ hours a week when i get back to make up for those vacation hours.  how is it a vacation if i have to somehow have to make up the hours i took off?  there are some therapists that work 40+ hours and do meet productivity and bonuses.  i'm just not one of them because one, i do enough work; two, i need a break from it or i'll go screaming out of my office soon; and three, i don't get paid enough to work 40+ hours.  being salaried sucks.

i have mad respect for my mom and missy and anyone else who works 11+ hours.  i worked yesterday from 9am-8pm.  i was annoyed i had to go back to the main office to do the evening divorce group after my normal work day.  i was in no mood to do it because one, i hate divorce groups and two, i had a killer migraine.  i plowed through it so i could go home and go straight to bed.  i'm not sure how my mom works 12 hour days some days but give her a lot of credit for doing it so often.  i did it one day and am now whining about it.  props to missy for working 12 hour days on wednesday and all weekend to help support her family.  here are two women who work their butts off all the time without much complaint and here i am whining after ONE 11 hour day.  they are much better women than i am.  i suppose i wouldn't complain so much if i didn't have a killer migraine last night.  when i got home, i popped some pills, took a nap till 10, showered, and went back to sleep.  i'll complain again in june after my next 11 hour day.

since i've been so blah lately, i treated myself to an early birthday present.  do i need another pair of jeans?  of course not, but it was sign that i HAD to buy them because i found a coupon code and they were in my size.  i justified the purchase by telling myself i deserve them because it's my birthday month, i was helping the economy, and i finally found a petite pair in my size which is a rarity.

nice to FINALLY talk to steve since he's been MIA.  he called to inform me squirrel touch 2008 started a few days ago.  caught up with him about what's been going on and his life.  it's nice to know steve will actually call me to keep me posted on important matters such as squirrel touch 2008.

till next time.

have faith.