i think ohio is the only place where you can have 60 degree spring like weather on monday and the next day, have flurries and a wintry mix combo.  it was so weird having such warm weather after a brutally cold winter only to wake up to my car completely iced.  i wasn't sure if i was going to go to work because it was so slippery on the sidewalk and the driveway.  unfortunately the roads weren't that bad and i made it to work.  when i left work, it was really cool to see all the trees covered with ice and to see icicles hanging from the branches.  reminded me that it's still winter despite the balmy weather yesterday.  hopefully, the roads won't suck tomorrow morning since it is forecasted to have freezing rain, ice, and sleet tonight.

had to touch base with the crisis center yesterday because one of my clients checked herself in there.  i am surprised that the staff still remembers me since it's been over a year since i last interned there.  when i finally got ahold of my supervisor, she told me she overheard the staff talking about me.  i thought "uh oh" but she went on to say that mark, one of the supervisors, said that out of all the interns she had, i was his favorite and the other staff members agreed.  i'm kinda surprised since i did random stupid pranks on him all the time.  it was a nice feeling when getting transferred to make small talk with various staff.  it's just a good feeling knowing that i'm remembered positively.

my next derm appointment can't come soon enough.  i am so frustrated that my face has broken out so bad.  i just want to quit everything that i am on but know i have to continue to be compliant so the next doctor can see firsthand that my current treatment sucks.  this is really affecting my confidence and self-esteem.  to think i thought have one pimple every couple of months was horrible, but now having zits all over my forehead, temples, and chin is utterly devastating.  i was talking to mary the other day and she sympathized that i wasn't being superficial complaining about my face.  it has started my quality of life.  i suppose if acne is the worst thing in my life, then my life isn't that bad.  i just wish i could go back to my old face prior to this stupid treatment.  i have never been so compliant to treatment, espeically taking two types of pills a day.  that's how bad i want clear skin.  hopefully, the new doctor will give me something that works.

till next time.

have faith.

i don't know what bug hit my work, but i am trying so hard to avoid it.  work has been a ghost town with so many people calling off sick.  i really don't want to catch whatever is going around but it would not surprise me if i did end up getting sick.  it's bound to happen since my clients come in sick coughing and spreading their germs.  i appreciate the effort for them to come in despite not feeling well because they're committed to treatment, but i end up ending session early because they're coughing nonstop or telling them that if they're feeling that sick, to call to reschedule.  therapy with me is not that important when it comes to a person's health.  thank goodness i wash my hands a million times a day and go through a lot of sanitizers.  my throat's been a little sore since thursday but i'm hoping it's just dehydration.  along with the sore throat, i felt very fatigued and had two migraines in a row.  caught up on my sleep and made sure i rested a lot this weekend to try to prevent any type of sickness.  knock on some wood that i don't get sick any time soon.

where did february go?  march is here and i can't wait til spring officially comes.  i am so much happier waking up to the sunrise and driving home with it being light out.  love, love spring weather.

i was watching true life's i work in the sex industry yesterday.  there was this straight guy who does gay porn for a living.  i thought it would be gay pornagraphic pics since he stated he was straight.  oh i was wrong.  the show had a clip where the guy was making out with another guy for a scene.  my jaw dropped because i had a hard time believing a straight guy would have no problems making out with a guy.  later, it showed him wrapped in a towel saying he just got done having sex with the guy.  the guy said he only works 8 days a month and the money is very good, something like 7k for a gay scene/pic.  the guy says he is straight and that he is very comfortable with his sexuality to do something like this.  i had some doubts because at a porn convention, he was affectionate to other males.  maybe it was an act, i don't know.  at the end, he talks to his sister who came around to his way of living and said everyone has their price.  i know there is no amount of money someone could offer me to have sleep with another female.  i don't have a problem with homosexuality, it's just not for me.  i thought of my guy friends and don't think there is one that would kiss another guy on the mouth let alone have sex with him for any amount of money.  i just thought it was really interesting to see a straight guy having sex with guys for a living.  did not think a guy could be that comfortable with his sexuality to do something like that for a living.

using the crock pot tonight.  hope the beef dish turns out ok.  i'll def not make this often because it uses a good amount of butter.  i should use the crock pot more often, i love throwing things in the pot, turning it on, and leaving.  talk about worry free cooking.

have faith.

i was SO looking forward to my trip to nyc this weekend.  i started to make plans to visit friends thursday and friday morning.  thinking of this trip got me through the stressful work week.  so i'm contacting friends friday morning and making plans to meet for lunch and dinner when i get a call from an 800 number.  it was airtran letting me know my flight was cancelled.  i was so bummed.  they said they'll credit my account the amount i paid for the ticket.  in a way that's really stupid because i got the airfare at a deal so if i were to reschedule my trip in the future, i would have to pay more.  i'll prob rant and rave to get the new flight at the price i paid for the cancelled flight.  stupid snow.  it was pretty lame to call back friends after making plans that morning an hour later to cancel plans.  i'm going to shoot for either april or may to make my visit.

went home with vic since my bags were already packed.  i can honestly say i did not do anything the entire weekend.  well, friday i was just moping around because my flight was cancelled.  saturday i just bummed around the entire day.  mom was happy that we went home.  got the usual talk about how my face is bad and how i should call so and so to see what she did to clear her face.  also got the usual concerned talk from mom about my lack of a love life.  she started asking questions about this guy i met a handful of times through my cousin.  he's a nice guy but he's so quiet.  i need someone to banter with me and on rare occasions, put me in my place.  who knows what will happen since i won't stay in the area for more than 2 years.

group on thursday was ok.  it was really awkward to see an old classmate in it.  she was pretty rude by laughing and talking throughout the group session.  it went ok, i managed to drag it out 15 more minutes than the first group i did.  noticed that when i stumbled on a phrase, it went downhill from there until i can find a way to regroup.  it was pretty awesome to feel my face get flushed for the majority of group.  i can relax until my next one in april.

congrats to mary!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  so, so happy for you!

off to bum around what remains of the weekend. 

have faith.

since i was reminded tonight i haven't updated, i'll do a quick one now.  i've been busy with work.  it's been driving me nuts, especially today.  i refuse to be bullied into writing a letter stating a client has no drug or alcohol problems when they do have an issue with it.  also, don't pressure me into sending it to you before your court date on monday when you had a whole year to get a drug and alcohol assessment done.  entitled acting people irritate me.

i can see why the burn out rate for my job is so high.  i just feel so bogged down by it this week and it's a short week for me since i'm taking friday off.

went to columbus and spent time with good friends.  thanks to jessica, john, and deanna for being so welcoming.  went to see anson on sunday.  it's been almost a year since i last visited the cemetary since i don't go to columbus as often.  i was surprised how emotional i felt when i was there.  i just felt my heart ache and didn't want to cry since vic was in the car waiting.  i suppose it does get easier as time go by.  i'm thinking the emotions just came back because this is the time when he and i were talking a lot and starting to do some things together.  maybe it was because i was thinking of missy and how hard this week will be for her.  i just miss him.  i also miss my aunt.

i'm dreading with a passion doing the divorce group tomorrow.  i hate, hate doing groups.  i know i'll get flustered and be beet red for the two hours.  i don't do anything elaborate since i essentially read from a divorce work book.  argh! 

as soon as i could get through group, it'll be smooth sailing and then i'll be off to relax for a long weekend.

back to stressing and prepping.

have faith.

for a long time now, i was able to successfully abstain from whatever i was giving up for lent.  giving up chocolate was hard.  i remember giving up clothes shopping very difficult because one year i was in nyc.  this year, i gave up all snacks.  that means i can only eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  some may think it's not a big deal, but i snack a lot.  i snack while watching tv, reading mags, and every other hour at work.  i was challenged to give up fried foods by amit and shuk and well, that was near impossible for me.  so i opted for the snack challenge.  i was doing so well until sunday.  there i was hanging out with emily and she brought out these red and white rice krispie treats.  my eyes lit up and i asked if i could have a small piece.  i tore off a small bite and ate it happily. 

as i was unpacking from my weekend at diem's, i did a mental run down of my day to make sure i didn't eat outside my three meals.  my jaw dropped a little when i remembered the stupid rice krispie treat bite.  the dyed rice krispies suckered me in on the 5th day of lent.  i'm a little disappointed in myself that i was not more careful.  so far, i never realized how much i snacked until i started lent.  it's really mindless eating at work or at home.  i don't think twice about popping pieces of chocolate in between sessions or crunching away on chips and dip at home.  hopefully, i will not screw up the next 35 days of lent.

wish i was in school again.  those lucky bastards got today off because of the extremely low wind chills.  i wonder if they'll get tomorrow off.  i'm so not looking forward to tomorrow night's commute.  supposedly the area i live will be dumped with a ton of snow in the afternoon and night.  fun stuff.  hopefully, i won't slide into a ditch in front of some random farm.

have faith.

i abhor rude, disrespectful, and inconsiderate people like no other.  sometimes, like last week, i have the urge to punch them in their face. 

whatever.  stupid people.  too bad i can't ship them to the moon.

thank you jessica for the validation.

so what if i can't give up fried foods.  i'm giving up something a little easier than that but still tough for me.

happy ash wednesday to you fellow catholics.  hope you all went to church today.  happy new year to you asians out there.  chuc mung nam moi!

have faith.

so the superbowl will start soon and i have no desire to watch.  i stopped caring about the superbowl for awhile now.  i can't even sit through it to watch the commercials.  i doubt it will be a good game anyway.  my prediction is new england will destory the giants since they destroyed the giants during the regular season.  i wish the giants could win since i don't like tom brady and the cheating patriots.

i'm so not looking forward to work tomorrow.  after taking thursday and friday off to head to boston, i have no desire to wake up early for work.  started off my extended weekend with a trip to the dentist and no cavities for me!  i really like the dental hygentist that works on my teeth.  she's really cool and we just talk and talk about random things. 

started off my boston trip with dinner at legal sea foods.  i had to try the famous clam chowder and it was really good.  now that i think of it, kathy and i walked around and ate a lot the entire weekend.  thanks to missy for her suggestions on where to go.  kathy and i knocked down half of missy's list.  it was neat to walk around boston and shop on newbury street.  i never thought i would walk around harvard but i did which was exciting for me.  saw lots of neat things like M.I.T., samuel adams brewery where i actually tasted several beers, various markets, and china town.  my favorite restaurant has to be this hot pot place where everyone gets their own individual hot pot.  i got the kim chi broth and it was so yummy.

boston reminds me of a cozier nyc and i loved everything about the city.  i have to go back to check out the night life because i wasn't able to go out due to the feezing rain and wind at night.  it was fine since it gave kathy and me lots of time to have bond over various conversation topics.  plus she introduced me to my newest crush who i swear is one of the most handsome man i've ever seen.



i so don't want to go to work tomorrow...  i know i need to to fund my next trip in a few weeks! 

have faith.

did anyone watch super sweet 16 this past monday???  i taped it because jessica was telling me a little about the girl that was featured.  the girl is from ashland ohio and clint used to work for this girl's dad.  i also wanted to see the castle that's in the middle of ohio that jessica and clint got to stay in.  so i taped it so i could talk to jessica about it during our usual talks and prob gush at how pretty the castle is and how jealous i was that she got to stay there.  so i watched the episode tonight and freaked out when i saw a familiar face on the show.  it was no other than dennis!  the episode had a real good close up of his face and my jaw just dropped.  i had to stop and rewind so many times to make sure i was right.  i even paused on his face to confirm it was him.  i called vic and he was just as surprised to see him on the show.  i wonder what dennis is doing now since he was on the show carrying the 16 year old around.

it was just pretty surreal to see someone i used to hang out with on my super sweet 16.  never thought i would recognize someone i knew and have gone out with a few times.  craziness!  thanks jessica for the heads up on the show!

have faith.

i just finished reading some very old entries dating back to 2003 and shook at my head.  one entry in particular made me think what the heck was i thinking and it involved an ex and a former friend.  never again will i go against my gut and my list of what i want in a guy.  lesson learned the hard way, always trust your gut and your instincts.  i'm still learning that lesson because i like to give people the benefit of the doubt or second chances after they messed up real bad.  i don't give out third chances though.

as i'm writing this entry to give missy something to read at work tomorrow, i had a lot of time to think about some things.  it was a quiet weekend for me since vic was at home for the weekend and a friend of mine bailed out on a visit to me (shocking i know).  i was left to do many errands, read, and do a lot of online course work for my AOD license.  i found that i was ok with being by myself and with all the quietness that surrounds me.  i don't have the need to be around people all the time.  don't get me wrong, i adore being around the noise and ruckus that comes with being with family and friends, but once in awhile, peace and quiet is nice.  some people have such an issue with doing things by themselves or being on their own.  i have no problems being on my own (i lived on my own last summer).  i don't have problems going to places by myself.  i even ate by myself before.  i'm glad that i feel comfortable with myself that i can do things independently.  sometimes, my mom thinks i'm a little too independent, but i rather be like this then be needy and dependent on someone else.  she calls me nightly if vic goes home for the weekend.  she is the complete opposite of me in this aspect.  she hates it when my dad goes on business trips and in general, i think she does not like being alone at home.  i'm glad i'm just comfortable being by myself and that i have an independent side. 

i was surfing the main page of yahoo and clicked on an article about a man who had to be homeless as his sentence in my in the news box.  to my surprise, i saw the location to be no other than painesville.  the judge is known for making up creative sentences and i thought this was a good sentence for the guy who stole a salvation army kettle.  the article is on odd news on yahoo so check it out.  i was excited painesville made it on yahoo's front page for awhile and may be the only one that was excited about it.

this insomnia business needs to end soon.  i'm not sure how much longer i can function "normally" at the rate i'm going.

till next time.

have faith.

what a day.  it snowed the night before so roads were a little slick but nothing most good drivers can't handle.  so i'm cruising to work at a reasonable speed because one, i gave myself some extra time to get to work, two, i wanted to get to work in one piece, and three the roads weren't that bad.  as i'm driving down the main road to get to my work, i see from a distance several flashing red lights.  i saw traffic was moving so didn't think much of it.  as i was creeping up to the accident, a guy stops me and tells me i needed to stop because firemen and police needed to get a woman out of a car.  i started to say my work was down the street but he would not have it.  it was a little ticked because he let the van in front of me go.  so there i was sitting in my car with a front row seat of several men attempting to get a woman out of her smashed car.  the car was pretty banged up and i felt a little guilty about being upset with my situation when the woman in the car had just gotten into a serious car accident.  i called work to let them know i was going to be late and just sat there watching the firemen and police extract the woman from her car. 

after they got her out, one guy asked if i was going to the college down the street and i said no, but i was trying to get to my work which was past the accident.  he asked if i knew a detour since they weren't letting cars pass the accident and i said no.  then he said he would escort me to the detour and all i had to do was follow him.  it was cool because another fireman stopped traffic coming from the opposite direction so i can get out and follow the fireman leading me to my detour.  i follow the first fireman and waved to the second one who stopped traffic for me (he was cute by the way).  i made it to work late but had quite an early morning experience.  i was telling liem the story and he said that no guy would get the treatment i got and i agree with him.  it definitely pays to be a female!

i finally got my new phone today.  it's a definitely different since it's not a flip phone and i love flip phones.  i'm not looking forward to uploading all the numbers again, but i'm sure i'll be weeding out numbers of people i haven't talked to in the past year or aren't friends with anymore.  no sense in keeping numbers i don't use.  it's gonna be a little bit tough for me because the old phone reminded me so much of anson.  i got that phone when i was with him and remember talking to him for 3-4 hours on it when i first got it.  he also helped me pick it out.  i think of him when i go to my contacts page because his name was the first name i saw.  it'll be a little hard to go to my contacts page and not see his name anymore.  it's as if the old phone helped me remember anson but i know that's not really the case since i think of him every single day.  it's good that i got the new phone.  just another little push to remember the past but move on with my life.

in addition to the phone, i finally got my passport today.  yeah to me to finally getting a passport after all these years and now having the ability to travel abroad.  the only thing i don't like about my passport is that i sort of look drag queen-ish.  i was too short so i had to stand on a stool for my picture.  that was embarrassing and it didn't help that vic and scott were laughing in the back ground.  so there i was flustered and embarrassed about standing on a stool in front of random people and trying to look "normal" without smiling.  needless to say, i looked stupid from the high angle and trying not to smile.  after 4 different pics, i gave up and took the last pic taken.  good thing the passport has all these lines across the pic, makes the pic less scary and clear.

have faith.